mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
