Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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