Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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