I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
