We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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