I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
