After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
