He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
