I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
