She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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