I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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