We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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