my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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