dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
