My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
