wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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