if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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