Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
