I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
