Ambien. No doubt about it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
