thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
