I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
