I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
