fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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