I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
