I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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