My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
