Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
