it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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