I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
