your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have feelings that need drinking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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