all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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