Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
