that's an acceptable place to lick
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
