Just fell off a train. Bad.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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