fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
