I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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