apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
