hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
