went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
