I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
