CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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