Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
