I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
