24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
