hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
