There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
