I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
