The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
