i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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