just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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