Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
