i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
