dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
